I want to share something that happened to me, and in my mind and heart it still hurts SO deeply and gives me such pain when I think about it. Am I unusual? Maybe I just expect too much.
Some time ago, I was out at the hairdresser, and afterwards I was thinking of my husband – we haven’t been married long and I love him so much – I thought I’d do something special for him. I went and bought a lovely romantic card, and a little cute teddy holding a red heart, saying “I love you”, and I wrote a sweet romantic poem into the card saying how much I cared and how much he meant to me…
Well, I came home and he was as usual on his computer, the other side of the room to my desk. I wanted to give him my presents. He seemed all distracted and busy though.
I put the card in the envelope and went over and sat on his lap (he was still at his desk on his comp) and kissed him, and gave him my things. He still looked distracted and he opened the card and laid it down again. I said “aren’t you going to read it?” So he did and thanked me.
I felt rejected a bit. I went back to my own desk and began wondering what he was doing. So I logged in to the program he was using and found that he’d picked up a girl (a real person) on a virtual nude beach and by the time I logged in they were having virtual sex in a bedroom she had taken him to!!!!!
I nearly died. I held my peace, calmly took some screenshots and then I went to the place they were having sex and said “are you having fun dear?” Well, she disappeared like a shot and he stood there all flustered, saying they were “just looking round the house”. Yeah right.
So I asked him what he was doing. He said nothing. Just talking – etc etc. What a lying bastard. So I said “Are you prepared to swear to God that nothing was happening?” and he said YES, I SWEAR TO GOD. And we both believe in God, so it wasn’t just nothing to say that. He was even prepared to LIE TO GOD.
Well, I said to him, come and look at these pictures, and then tell me nothing was happening, and I showed him on my screen the pictures of him laying on top of her on the bed. In every kind of different position.
All hell broke lose. I don’t know how I held it together. As usual he slammed out of the house, angry, like it was MY fault for catching him. All my fault. Just like the time I woke up in the middle of the night, went to the bathroom and saw him (drunk) web camming with a girl that he knew and she was fingering herself on cam and he had the cam pointed to his dick – and that time he had the gall to tell me NOTHING WAS GOING ON WE WERE JUST TALKING, HONESTLY,…
Then when I said “okay, if you were just talking, show me a copy of the conversation”, and he pushed me out of the room and shut the door and deleted every trace of the day from his computer. Then he said he would never see me or be with me ever again, and he went out. I later found he went to a local hotel, even though we don’t have money for that, and in the morning he came home with his tail between his legs expecting me to just overlook it like it was nothing!!!!!
This bastard is the same one who expects me to believe him when he cries in supposed repentance and says he’s sorry for doing wrong. I’m supposed to TRUST him.
Yeah, I just going on being a FOOL and let him walk all over me. And he only has to say “I love you, I didn’t mean it” and everything is okay.
(OH, postscript…after that first incident with the card and little teddy…I was so mad I tore up the card and threw it away and dumped the teddy in the bin. THEN, can you believe this, he asked me where they were and was angry with me for getting rid of them. Can you believe this???? And can you believe I actually fished the teddy out of the bin, just because he wanted to have it??? Am I a complete idiot or what? Please tell me.)
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